As I re-read it, I noticed a trend.
Everything was about why "I'm" stressed, why "I" am so super busy.
The thing is, is that I've always sort of operated in a bit of a self-centric way. Not in a selfish, entitlement way - but in a take on the world and get stuff done kind of way.
Jordan wants to help, he wants to be a part of our life and doesn't think I need to do everything. That said, he's happy for me to take on what I love. He's 100% available to support me. I'm looking to make a change and embrace the help he's offered. I need to give up control and trust that he can do and will do what is best for us.
Jordan asked that first I sort out what the priorities are so that he can take things on that will lift the most amount of weight off of my shoulders. I thought I might start by listing out everything that's ongoing in our lives.
- Planning our Wedding, August - 2011
- I've done a lot of pre-work with the following, but we're still confirming our
- Caterer
- Confirm Menu
- Cake/Cupcake Baker
- Addresses (still need 29 addresses)
- Print Invitations
- Master of Ceremonies (thinking of having two)
- Writing our Vows (Jordan still has to decide if he wants to, but it would really mean a lot to me if we did)
- Confirm/Purchase Decorations
- We have done no work but still need to
- Find a bartender
- Find Ceremony Music
- Find a house sitter for honeymoon
- Find shoes
- Get business cards for safe ride program
- Get Jordan's attire
- Go Shopping:
- Flower Pots
- Fabric (10 meters lilac and 55 meters of charcoal coloured ribbon)
- Labels for Favours
- Spices for Favours
- Balloons/Helium?
- Dinner Wine
- Wedding Bands
- Bridesmaids are coming to town in March to go dress shopping
- Financial expectations whether real or perceived
- There's other things to do - this is just the current on-going stuff
- Preparing for my CHRP, Exams in May-2011 and October-2011
- Requires 1-2 hours of study a day
- Jordan's in his second apprenticeship year out of three and goes to school until about 8pm every Tuesday night.
- Moving/Buying Our First Home
- Need to give notice to our landlord by mid-April (we would give notice in May to move out for June 1st and then have July to settle in before getting married in August)
- Need to start packing soon so it's not too overwhelming later
Other things that impact our ability to deal with the above three huge events are:
- We just adopted a puppy
- General Social Events with family and friends
- Potluck Club (Love it)
- Yoga (thinking about doing it)
- A lot of travel for work lately for me
- Maintaining the house - general tidiness.
- I tend to have higher expectations and take more of this on then Jordan thinks I need to
I came up with that list without breaking a sweat, so it's entirely possible that there are more things going on. Of course with each of the things above their is a significant financial impact, which only adds to everything. I don't know how to prioritize these things - how to sort out what the most important is. I don't know which of these things to ask Jordan for help with.
Since Sunday, Jordan has already taken a more active role in the house hunting project. He's been in touch with the Real Estate agent on some properties we had looked at and about some ones that we are interested in looking at when I get back to town. He also had a bunch of rock chips in the Escape taken care of, which is fabulous!
Since Sunday, Jordan has already taken a more active role in the house hunting project. He's been in touch with the Real Estate agent on some properties we had looked at and about some ones that we are interested in looking at when I get back to town. He also had a bunch of rock chips in the Escape taken care of, which is fabulous!
How do you handle all the things that life throws at you? Do you have any suggestions for how to sort out what to ask Jordan to take on? Unfortunately I don't think he can go to Yoga for me or study for my CHRP for me.
Instead of prioritizing the whole list, go over it again and choose the tasks that you feel you can transfer over to Jordan. Once you have THAT list created, prioritize it and give him specific timelines to get the jobs done - so for instance, if you say
ReplyDelete"Jordan - you find someone to house-sit - must be done by March 15th".
"Jordan, find these 29 addresses - I need them by March 11 so we can address all the invites that weekend".
"Jordan, write your vows by May 1st"
"Jordan, narrow down our house choices and book appointments to go see them for this coming weekend"
"Jordan, I need you to take on the task of vacuuming the house twice a week so I can focus on the other things we need to get done."
etc...
This way you can cross a handful of things off your list. If Jordan is reliable and willing to help (he seems to be from what you say), he'll return on the pre-chosen dates with the task completed. In the meantime, you can double your efforts on the other tasks.
There's a ton on your plate. I think if Jordan is willing and able and interested in helping, by all means - DELEGATE!!!
Oh, and to comment on your approach being self-centric in that "take on the world" kind of way - it's a woman thing! Really!
ReplyDeleteWhen you start having children, it will be the same way with everything that revolves around them too - appointments - you'll make them, kids' sick - you'll take care of them, kids need new shoes - you'll go buy them, kids need clean clothes for tomorrow - you'll stay up to finish the laundry, kids need lunches for school - you'll shop for the appropriate foods and make the lunches, kids need antibiotics - you'll give them their meds.
That's not to say that men CAN'T do these things, but my experience has been that men typically defer these tasks to the women, especially if women are willing to take on these responsibilities.
It seems to be the nature of things. Sometimes we need to fight our nature.
If you can find it inside of yourself to let go of the ownership of some of these tasks, you will have a great partner to help you with them.
I do the same thing you've been doing! I agree with Makky's Mom---make a list of things that you can ask Jordan to do! I had a MAJOR meltdown around the 6 month mark (right around where you are) because everything was *so* overwhelming for me. My fiance took on a few projects to get them out of my hands and it helped tremendously. I've tried to consistently give him things that I know he can handle and it's decreased my stress level a lot.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself!
It is so amazing to have you branch out and ask me for help. I'm glad that I was able to communicate to you what I needed from you to help you out. @makkys mom, giving me a task is great however insisting that it has to be done by a certain time would indicate that my fiancee would then need punish me if I failed. That just seems like a whole can if worms that are not needed.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot on your plate right now. I would rethink buying a house right now but that is just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteJordan, lol! You seem to have a good sense of humor. I agree that it would take a lot off Jessie's mind if she could completely delegate some responsibilities to you. Maybe a certain date isn't necessary but you both need to be on the same page with what needs to be prioritized and what can wait a while.
Oh my gosh, you poor thing, you definitely have your plate full!!!
ReplyDeletePerhaps looking at Yoga less as a thing on your "to do" list and more as a respite? I've been feeling really stressed out myself, so last night my neighbour and I walked her puppy in the park, and with ten pound weights in my hands we ran up and down hills while the puppy made friends. It was about -18 degrees Celsius, there was snow everywhere, but I came back and felt WAY better. Exercise is magical.
Jordan, I only suggested the "date" so that Jessie could relax and totally leave it up to you, rather than constantly be saying "don't forget about xyz" "have you done it yet" "when are you going to do it", etc... this way it's off the table till the date mentioned, and you wouldn't feel like you have to rush out and do it today so Jessie could stop worrying about it. The date doesn't have to be "assigned" by Jessie, it can be decided by both of you - it was just to help you both to prioritize the tasks and stay on target, that's all. I guess it can across as bossy when it was meant to just be helpful in terms of timeline. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so great to see you wanting to be helpful. I have a hubby who goes out of his way to be helpful and to take pressure off my shoulders too, but I have many married friends who's hubbies are not the least bit concerned with what they consider "woman's work". It seems less common to find men like you and my hubby. So kudos to you for being a great guy!
I think it's great that you're doing this. I also have a tendency to stress out when I'm overwhelmed with tasks, and it's been a great realization for me that JZ can actually help relieve my stress! He's totally ready to be there for me, whether it be a cry on his shoulder or to take on a task for me. I've been independent for a long time, so this is both a struggle and a relief for me.
ReplyDeleteI know it adds another thing to your list, but yoga has been such a great way for me to de-stress and put things in perspective. Maybe it will help you too?
ReplyDeleteHey I am not 100% sure how to just send you an email so Um hopefully you will get my note, on your post.
ReplyDeleteA while back I sighed up for an ING account and I used your Orange Key. Any ways the cheque has cleared and I have received a confirmation that I will be getting an extra 25$ so expect an extra 25$ to show up I your account as well. :)
Hey lady.
ReplyDeleteSo I didn't actually GET how stressed you were, but through convo/e-mail and reading this blog today, I see the light.
Also there are things on that there list I can do. Fabric, ribbons. I'm all over it. I can probably co-ordinate with other bridesmaid also to get "things" - whatever those might be (safe ride program maybe?), organized in the wedding city. Bring your book this weekend and we'll see what else I can help with.
Also housesitter - ummm, /points to self. Check mark.
I heart you.